Love is often celebrated as patient and kind, but its humorous side is just as significant. As a poet once pointed out, even promises in love can sometimes bring about amusing situations. Oscar Wilde, known for his witty observations, frequently highlighted the funny aspects of romantic entanglements. There’s something inherently amusing about how love can make us act, from leaving cheesy notes to our partners to whispering sweet nothings on the phone.
Reflecting on my own experiences and the insights of others, it’s clear that humor plays a crucial role in relationships. Whether it’s a neighbor sharing a funny anecdote or Franklin P. Jones’ clever one-liners, these moments remind us not to take everything too seriously. Humor, after all, can turn a challenging situation into a shared laugh, strengthening the bond between us.
Here are the 50 best funny love quotes from comedians that perfectly nail the hilarious side of relationships.
1. “Before you marry a person, you should first make them use a computer with slow Internet service to see who they really are.” — Will Ferrell
Dealing with slow Internet can test anyone’s patience. Imagine sharing a life with someone who can’t handle it well. This quote by Will Ferrell perfectly captures that moment when you truly see someone’s character.
2. “I thought I was promiscuous, but it turns out I was just thorough.” — Russell Brand
Russell Brand turns a potentially negative trait into a humorous confession. His “thoroughness” is an amusing way to reflect on past behaviors.
3. “I love being married. It’s so great to find one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.” — Rita Rudner
Rita Rudner highlights the playful side of marriage. The idea of finding someone to annoy forever mixes love with a humorous perspective.
4. “If you text ‘I love you’ to a person and the person writes back an emoji — no matter what that emoji is, they don’t love you back.” — Chelsea Peretti
Chelsea Peretti’s quote points out how modern communication can sometimes miss the emotional mark. Emojis just don’t cut it for serious declarations of love.
5. “Love is telling someone their hair extensions are showing.” — Natasha Leggero
Natasha Leggero’s take on love involves honesty, even about the small things. If you can point out something like hair extensions, you’ve got a real connection.
6. “Women cannot complain about men anymore until they start getting better taste in them.” — Bill Maher
Bill Maher amusingly puts the responsibility back on women, suggesting that their choices need to improve for any complaints to be valid.
7. “You can’t put a price tag on love. But if you could, I’d wait for it to go on sale.” — Hussein Nishah
Hussein Nishah’s quote humorously addresses the priceless nature of love but adds a frugal twist, waiting for it to be more affordable.
8. “Women might be able to fake orgasms. But men can fake a whole relationship.” — Sharon Stone
Sharon Stone points out the deeper deceit that can exist in relationships, turning a common joke about fake orgasms on its head.
9. “I think men who have a pierced ear are better prepared for marriage. They’ve experienced pain and bought jewelry.” — Rita Rudner
Rita Rudner humorously links ear piercing to marriage readiness, equating the pain and jewelry purchase to the experiences of married life.
10. “When a man of forty falls in love with a woman of twenty, it isn’t her youth he is seeking but his own.” — Lenore Coffee
Lenore Coffee’s quote suggests that older men dating younger women are chasing their lost youth rather than the younger woman’s attraction.
11. “Sexy is the thing I try to get them to see me as after I win them over with my personality.” — Miranda on “Sex and the City”
Miranda captures the balance of personality and physical attraction, emphasizing that personality comes first.
12. “As a man in a relationship, you have a choice: You can be right or you can be happy.” — Ralphie May
Ralphie May’s quote succinctly illustrates the wisdom in choosing happiness over always needing to be right.
13. “I love you no matter what you do, but do you have to do so much of it?” — Jean Illsley Clarke
Jean Illsley Clarke humorously addresses the overwhelming nature of love, sometimes needing a bit of moderation in actions.
14. “Between lovers, a little confession is a dangerous thing.” — Helen Rowland
Helen Rowland’s quote hints at the delicate balance in romantic relationships where too much honesty can cause trouble.
15. “I miss crawling into a man’s arm, kissing his neck, saying those three little words into his ear, ‘And another thing …’” — Felicia Michaels
Felicia Michaels humorously points out the tendency to bring up grievances even in intimate moments.
16. “A guy knows he’s in love when he loses interest in his car for a couple of days.” — Tim Allen
Tim Allen’s quote humorously uses a man’s interest in his car as a measure of his newfound love and distraction.
17. “My friends tell me I have an intimacy problem. But they don’t really know me.” — Garry Shandling
Garry Shandling’s quote is a clever twist, highlighting the irony of a supposed intimacy problem.
18. “Honesty is the key to a relationship. If you can fake that, you’re in.” — Richard Jeni
Richard Jeni humorously suggests the critical importance of honesty in relationships, with a twist on faking it.
19. “The happiest marriage I can picture would be the union of a deaf man to a blind woman.” — Samuel Taylor Coleridge
Samuel Taylor Coleridge uses a humorous exaggeration to illustrate that some flaws are best unnoticed in a happy marriage.
20. “When you’re in love, it’s the most glorious two-and-a-half days of your life.” — Richard Lewis
Richard Lewis humorously encapsulates the fleeting nature of the intense feeling of love.
21. “Spend a few minutes a day really listening to your spouse. No matter how stupid his problems sound to you.” — Megan Mullally
Megan Mullally’s quote emphasizes the importance of listening in relationships, with a humorous take on the perceived triviality of those problems.
22. “You can’t buy love, but you can pay heavily for it.” — Henry Youngman
Henry Youngman humorously highlights the costs associated with love, even if it’s not monetary.
23. “There is nothing better for the spirit or the body than a love affair. It elevates the thoughts and flattens the stomach.” — Barbara Hower
Barbara Hower’s quote cleverly ties physical and emotional elevation with the joys of a love affair.
24. “If you love them in the morning with their eyes full of crust; if you love them at night with their hair full of rollers, chances are, you’re in love.” — Miles Davis
Miles Davis uses vivid imagery to describe unconditional love, seeing beyond superficial flaws.
25. “Romantic love is a mental illness. But it’s a pleasurable one.” — Fran Lebowitz
Fran Lebowitz’s quote takes a comedic look at the irrational nature of romantic love, likening it to a delightful ailment.
26. “Money can’t buy love, but it improves your bargaining position.” — Christopher Marlowe
Christopher Marlowe humorously implies that love can be negotiated better if financial resources are available.
27. “If love is the answer, could you please rephrase the question?” — Lily Tomlin
Lily Tomlin’s quote humorously questions the conventional understanding of love, suggesting it might be misunderstood.
28. “Being a good husband is like being a stand-up comic. You need 10 years before you can call yourself a beginner.” — Jerry Seinfeld
Jerry Seinfeld humorously compares marriage to stand-up comedy, suggesting both take years of practice to get right.
29. “Love conquers all things except poverty and toothache.” — Mae West
Mae West humorously points out that while love is powerful, it has its limitations when facing financial hardship and physical pain.
30. “Remember, beneath every cynic there lies a romantic, and probably an injured one.” — Benjamin Franklin
Benjamin Franklin’s quote suggests that cynicism often stems from past romantic disappointments, masking an underlying romantic nature.
31. “My best birth control now is just to leave the lights on.” — Joan Rivers
Joan Rivers humorously tackles the topic of intimacy and aging with her take on birth control.
32. “My husband forgot my birthday and my anniversary. I didn’t feel bad. On the contrary. Give me a guilty husband any day. Some of my best outfits come from his guilt.” — Betty Walker
Betty Walker’s quote turns a husband’s forgetfulness into a humorous fashion benefit.
33. “Women marry men hoping they will change. Men marry women hoping they will not. So each is inevitably disappointed.” — Albert Einstein
Albert Einstein captures the inherent misguided expectations in marriages with his humorous and insightful quote.
34. “The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret.” — Henry Youngman
Henry Youngman humorously suggests that the key to a successful marriage remains elusive and undisclosed.
35. “I married Miss Right. I just didn’t know her first name was Always.” — David Young
David Young’s quote humorously addresses the perception of a spouse always being right in a marriage.
36. “Before marriage, a man declares that he would lay down his life to serve you; after marriage, he won’t even lay down his newspaper to talk to you.” — Helen Rowland
Helen Rowland humorously highlights the shift in priorities once the honeymoon phase of a marriage ends.
37. “The best way to get most husbands to do something is to suggest that perhaps they’re too old to do it.” — Shirley MacLaine
Shirley MacLaine’s quote humorously suggests reverse psychology as a tactic to motivate husbands.
38. “By all means marry; if you get a good wife, you’ll be happy. If you get a bad one, you’ll become a philosopher.” — Socrates
Socrates humorously presents marriage as a win-win situation, either leading to happiness or philosophical insight.
39. “My girlfriend told me that she was seeing another man. I told her to rub her eyes.” — Emo Philips
Emo Philips uses a humorous twist to offer a literal solution to his girlfriend’s infidelity.
40. “Obviously, if I was serious about having a relationship with someone long-term, the last people I would introduce him to would be my family.” — Chelsea Handler
Chelsea Handler humorously points out the potential challenges of integrating a significant other with one’s family.
41. “Love is a lot like a backache: it doesn’t show up on X-rays, but you know it’s there.” — George Burns
George Burns uses a clever metaphor to describe the invisible yet undeniable presence of love.
42. “I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.” — Groucho Marx
Groucho Marx humorously implies that having more opinions on the matter might have been beneficial in his marriage.
43. “The heart has its reasons, of which reason knows nothing.” — Blaise Pascal
Blaise Pascal’s quote highlights the often irrational nature of love, beyond logical understanding.
44. “If you want to read about love and marriage, you’ve got to buy two separate books.” — Alan King
Alan King humorously suggests that the complexities of love and marriage require their own separate understanding.
45. “My wife and I were happy for 20 years — then we met.”
This anonymous quote humorously suggests that the reality of marriage can sometimes fall short of initial bliss.
46. “You can’t put a price tag on love, but you can on all its accessories.” — Melanie Clark
Melanie Clark humorously points out that while love itself is priceless, it often comes with expensive extras.
47. “Love can change a person the way a parent can change a baby — awkwardly, and often with a great deal of mess.” — Lemony Snicket
Lemony Snicket humorously compares love’s transformational power to the sometimes clumsy and messy process of parenting.
48. “What’s the difference between a boyfriend and a husband? About 30 pounds.” — Cindy Garner
Cindy Garner humorously points out the physical changes that might occur once the dating phase transitions into marriage.
49. “You may marry the man of your dreams, ladies, but fourteen years later you’re married to a couch that burps.” — Roseanne Barr
Roseanne Barr humorously highlights the changes and comfort that come with long-term marriage.
50. “I was like, ‘Am I gay? Am I straight?’ And I realized… I’m just slutty. Where’s my parade?” — Margaret Cho
Margaret Cho humorously addresses the complexity of her sexual identity with a call for recognition.